“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…” Ecclesiastes 3:1.
Have you ever been stuck in a weird loop of life for so long that you really don’t even know what you’d do if the loop ends? I mean, even if this period of time hasn’t been the best, you’ve just been in it for so long that you don’t even know what you would do if you weren’t in it?
I think that’s what’s happening to me now. I’ve been in a season of change (I like to call it a season of change now, but if you were to ask me about 2 years ago I would have called it a season of drought and devastation) for about 3 years now. This season has consisted of many failures, many losses, and many times where I thought I may as well give up on life because this season seems like it may never end for me. Here’s the turnaround though- that season is coming to an end. Whether I like it or not, whether the outcome will leave me happy or not, this season will come to an end.
I’ve gotten to a point in all my failures and losses where, after one last attempt at a comeback tomorrow, my life will be out of this drought. Whether the outcome is good or bad, the season will be over.
Now the question is- now what? I’ve been so use to living life a certain way. Constantly working on trying to come out of this season and it has become a routine and a mindset, so what do I do when this season in life ends and i’m not actively working towards jumping this hurdle?
Yea, the obvious answer is to get ready to jump the next hurdle. Which I agree with. But doesn’t that feeling of the unknown scare the piss out of you? Because it sure as hell scares me.
I guess now that I think about it, going through seasons really prepares you for the “coming up next” in life. Taking a minute now, I realize that jumping over my life’s next hurdle will be significantly easier than jumping over this past one. Why? Because going through that long gloomy season has completely changed me.
At the beginning of the gloomy season (clearly what i’ve now dubbed it), I was so upset at my own life. I was wallowing in the sadness and the losses and failures. I let the failures define me and consume me and I was nothing more than a person waking up just to go back to sleep. As the season went on, there was so much change. This change took years, literally, but now I look back and realize that it all needed to happen the way that it did.
I finally stopped moping and wallowing. The point of that stopping was the same point I decided to truly turn to God for help. I guess I got to a point where I was so low that the only place I could look was up. I was previously upset with God for putting me through such a rough series of unfortunate events, but then I began to realize it isn’t about the event itself, it’s about how we face the events of life that really makes the difference. The whole “mind over matter” thing, as much as it is a cliché, it is still absolutely true.
I think the most change has happened to me and how I view all the circumstances in my life within the past 6 months. I’m really not sure what it is that caused me to just give up everything to the Lord, but the fact of the matter is that I did, and this time I TRULY did. I use to tell myself oh yea i’m leaving it up to God, but I don’t think I ever fully wanted to. Part of me wanted to be in control of my situations and believe that I could handle them on my own, with some of God’s help here and there. Reality hit hard and made me realize that isn’t the case. The truth is no matter what we do or what we think or what we plan out for ourselves, God has a plan and His plan is in action and always has been. Whether we see where He is coming from or not, whether we see His Hands in our lives or not, whether we want to believe it or not, God is in control and He does things for our benefit and we just can’t see or grasp that with our tiny human brains.
Once I fully realized that this was truth and that God has a plan and He really does care for us more than anyone in our lives ever could, that’s when I relinquished all my hurt, all my feelings, all my plans, all my heartache, and all my anxieties. I casted them all on God and let me tell you something- it was the greatest thing i’ve done. The greatest part of me season of “downers” was finally looking up.
Once this realization was made I strived to grow closer to God. I now make it a point to take time every day and simply read the word of God and talk to Him. I tell my friends this all the time- I literally talk to Jesus like I talk to any of my friends. I laugh with Him, I cry with Him, and now, I go through life’s daily struggles with Him. And I do so a day at a time because:
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”. – Matthew 6:34.
So, looking onto a new season, looking on to the unknown, I don’t really look too far. It sounds crazy but i’m really just taking it all a day at a time. Finishing one day and moving on to the next, with God ever so present. Every time I start getting anxious thinking into the future, I stop and say a prayer and ask God to fill me with peace and to help me focus on today and right now and all the other things will happen as they are supposed to and God and I will face those things together when they arise.
I guess my point here is, I went through a really long season of sadness and hopelessness. But if I were asked if I would change anything about these past couple years- I would say no. This season has morphed me. This season has brought me out of the dust. This has helped me grow and will help me to continue to grow as I encounter all of life’s seasons to come.
We all have periods in our life that seem like never ending cycles of bad situations, but i’m letting you know that it does get better. Just trust in Him. It’s so beautiful and so worth it.